It looks like it is marriage season this time of life because, everywhere I see, old classmates and friends seem to be getting ready to say they do! And all this while, it did not seem like a big deal… all that, of course, till a teammate three months younger than me joined the gang of the newly-weds! I was shocked to say the least and a little bit jolted at the realization that I was so old!

After the initial shock, though, I was able to give it some more thought, which made me realize that I was not all that old actually. On the contrary, I am pretty young as are all these newly-weds, the sight of whose nuptial ceremonies brought about this article… In fact, I was rather surprised at this trend I see of young people (mostly, young girls) getting married right after college. And, no, these are not cases of young people in love. Rather, these are all, almost without exception, arranged marriages. And from what I gather, I am among the few (very few!) people who actually find this phenomenon strange!

I understand that the kind of family I come from is the primary reason for my surprise. My parents did not have an arranged marriage, none of my cousins did, and, for that matter, most of my uncles and aunts married people they had known for a reasonable period of time as family friends etc., and hence none of these cases quite fits into the category of 'arranged marriage' even though all of them happened with parental blessing. In my generation, everyone has gone ahead with working on a career, building a bank balance, pursuing dreams and, basically, attempting to establish their own individual identities and finding the right person to complement their own nature, before going on further to marriage.

Incidentally, my views on marriage get countered with statements like, “Marriage does not need to be the end to life.” And, this is the only one of such people's views on marriage that I can agree with – that marriage is almost like a whole new beginning to life… In what might seem a complete turn-around to everything I have said so far, I have also seen instances where marriage indeed did spell the beginning of a whole new set of positives in life of the parties involved. I do know of one such case where the woman was encouraged to pursue her studies post-marriage, and went on to pursue a highly satisfying teaching career. My own grandmother was married at eight! And she completed her education because of my great-grandmother's insistence.

However, most of these instances are of currently middle-aged or older couples (obviously, the only cases where the long term effects of marriage are observable!). The purpose of marriage though has undergone various changes over the passage of time. When my grandmother was married at eight, it was supposed to have been to ensure the future of a fatherless child. From security to companionship to love, marriage has had and continues to have an entire range of reasons. But which is the most relevant of these to us, in today's world? Security to me does not count much. In an age where women's literacy is a reality -- and women have entered the professional arena in a big way – money, and hence financial security, is not an issue in most cases.

The next point that most people raise is that of emotional security – the necessity for a group of people who care for you. I have read numerous articles that stressed the necessity that women attempt to cultivate suitable circle of friends. There is always the family, but the support of peers is still supposed to be invaluable in times of crisis. I observe that, in keeping with this, most youngsters today have a good circle of friends. And by friends, I don't just mean a gang of people of the same age to hang out and party with. With the increasing emphasis on good education, and youngsters themselves starting to develop a greater understanding of the purpose and advantages of the same, as well as the increasing exposure that youngsters today have to the world outside their immediate surroundings, I find a greater maturity in youngsters' selection of friends. The true importance, according to experts, of the right circle of friends is the companionship and emotional comfort that one can derive from this group, especially as one grows older. In fact, in an age where nuclear families are further 'nuclearized' by children often having to go away from home for better opportunities in education and professions, friends of the same age are one of the true necessities for parents living alone.

So, with security and companionship taken care of by the nature of youngsters' lifestyles today, we are left with love. Which brings us to the big question of 'Can you arrange love?' And to this, I think most people would agree, the answer should be no. True that it can happen, but you can never more than hope for it at the start. Of course, this would only be an issue if love in a marriage was a primary concern! I am seriously not sure if it is for most of those who have inspired me to pen this article.

With all of these stated reasons done away with as being irrelevant to the age and circumstances we live in, I must come back to the one big issue no one can fight. Parental pressure! I am told by a significant percentage of girls my age that their parents have started looking for a suitable match for them. And most of the time, this parental search is without the prior approval of the girls themselves. The primary reason behind this is the fact that all the rationale I gave above for the various reasons for marriage being irrelevant to my generation, are in fact still all very much relevant to the generation our parents belong to. And, in this outdated relevance originates the anxiety of most parents, which leads to a wish to see their children 'settled' soon in life. Not that I am putting the blame on the parents… Growing older, I find my tendency to criticize my parents' sometimes personally intrusive concern for me growing less and less. In other words, I am beginning to understand, and more importantly, appreciate their concern for me. And I have no doubt that this is true of most youngsters today. But, there is a difference between understanding your parents' concern and letting them decide your life. The approach to handling your parents when they say they only want to see you settled before they are too old, so they can achieve their peace of mind, is to not scream and walk out, or bow your head and submit in frustration. The right thing to do is to explain to them why you think their anxiety is needless, how you are already comfortable, detail the things you intend to see done before you think of marriage, and so on.

The one thing to remember is that, as you grow older, the things you did not have a right to decide are the things you will most hate taking responsibility for. So, pay a little attention to what you truly want before you blindly give in to “my parents know what's best for me.” No one knows that except for you! All said and done, though, to say that this would work for everyone would be to underestimate the persuasive power of some parents! All I can say for the offspring of such parents is, all the best!

A word of advice for parents… I do find it extremely strange that people who would appreciate 'Miles to go before I sleep' can't understand it when their children say they have 'things to do before they marry!' Marriage is not what I see myself as getting into because there is nothing else to do, or because I am the right age… It is an event, which I see myself celebrating with family and friends when I think I have found the right person and I think that it is the right time for me to do it. And that is a thought which every mature individual must share, I believe… I do!